Being a caregiver is not an easy job.  It means putting someone else’s needs before your own.  It means becoming selfless.

And since it isn’t an easy job and you have to make time to breathe … I’ve decided to break this blog into two parts.  You’re welcome.

But let’s jump in:

Paul wrote in Philippians 2:4, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

I was a caregiver for 15 1/2 years with my son, Clay.  I remember (far too many times) doing things robotically, failing to really see him.  Hurrying to finish one task so I could finish more.  Sigh….

So, I’ve come up with some guidelines to be sure we are ‘looking to the interests of others’ and not just checking off a box on our To Do List.

1.  SHOW UP – Really be there. Are you listening to your child?  Start your day fresh.  Begin with prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to show you their needs.  Are you rushing through your duties?  Pay attention to what you are doing and drop your phone, in fact, drop everything.  Put your needs aside and remember you are on their schedule, not yours.  Watch their body language.  You, as their mother and caretaker, know them better than anyone.  You could possibly be their only mode of communication with others so you need to be ready to voice their concerns.  If you are texting, or checking what someone had for lunch on Instagram, you are going to miss a special time with your child.

2.  CHECK YOUR MIRRORS – I’m sure you’ve noticed on your car door mirrors the sign that reads, “Objects are closer than they appear”.  Let’s go with that for a minute.  Have you checked your mirrors?  What about your face…what about your body language? What does your face say when your little one needs you in the middle of the night….again? Are you walking into their room with anger because you’re not sleeping?  Guess what?  They aren’t sleeping either.  Don’t you think that a quality night of sleep is something they want too?? For children with special needs the difficulty is compounded by their limited control over their bodies and problems with communication.  Try to empathize.  They are looking to you, their mother, their caregiver for help.  Does your face show anger?  Stop. Is that the look you would want to see when you are in pain or afraid?  Pray with your little one and remind him that Jesus loves him and will never, ever leave him.  Let him feel the sense of peace that has overtaken your mind and spirit.  The way you relate to him will influence how well he can cope with his own fears.  In Luke 12:6 Jesus says that God doesn’t forget even a single sparrow – How much more does He care for us?  Our circumstances – our child – our life has been ordained by God.  God does nothing…or allows nothing…without a purpose.

3.  CLEAN OUT YOUR CLOSET – Get rid of anger, impatience, and other respectable or subtle sins.  Worry is a sin.  I know, it doesn’t seem like a very big sin….but sin is sin.  I also know that as a mother of a special needs child, it is very easy to worry about their future and what would happen to them if you were not around.  I get it.  But there are ways to insure your child can have the best care if you were, let’s say, unavailable… It is going to take a bit of work but trust me.  THIS is important.

Begin with a daily schedule.  Write down every single thing you do starting with walking into their bedroom in the morning (do you sing to him when you see him?  Are you the mom that says, “Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey”??) Write it down!  That may be the little something that your child looks forward to each morning!  Do you open the blinds?  Write it down!  At bath time, do you lay his clothes out on the bed or take them into the bathroom?  Does he help with his bath or brushing his teeth?  Does he like a little, tiny speck of toothpaste and can he comb his own hair?  See?  These are little things that you do each day and probably do a bit robotically.  The point is that someone else needs to be able to walk into his room and do these things exactly as you do them.  These small things can be the difference between a good and bad day for your little one.  Keep his daily schedule in a folder to make it easy for someone to take your place in case you are sick or gone.  Yay!  One less worry!

Woo hoo!!!  You’ve made it through the first three and only have three more steps to peace in your house, your heart and your child.

Next time we will tackle more ways to peace and harmony in the home.